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THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE

A colleague shared a small clip published in the January 8^th edition of the Daily News, titled “Rich in Values,” written by Phil Antico, that congratulates a writer for having written the best article.  Mr. Antico concluded by stating:

Children need parents who take responsibility.  And when one parent chooses to have a family that she cannot afford to bring up, leaving the rest of us to pay for it, this demonstrates a lack of responsibility.  The key word here is “choice” – and when you fail to make the right choice, you become a burden on the taxpayers.  I, too, did not come from a wealthy family.  I lived in a cold railroad apartment with no bathing facilities except a wash basin in the kitchen.  But my parents worked and took responsibility and guided me so that I could have a better life.

This opinion points to a serious need for dialogue in our society.  Mr. Antico is honest and means well but, unfortunately, he fails to see the depth of the problem.  Granted that an irresponsible parent does become a burden to society but the question is: What about the responsible parent who has done his best, under difficult circumstances, to no avail? And, what is the responsibility of society as a whole?

It is obvious that Mr. Antico, while living in his cold railroad apartment with no bathing facilities, had hope.  He knew that he could become somebody someday and change his fate.  However, that is not the case for a good chunk of our society.  That is where Mayor De Blasio’s “tale of two cities” comes in.  The issues are beyond individual responsibilities.  There are structural impediments to development in certain sectors of society that leaves its members in an impasse.

The problem is so deep and crucial that I cannot pretend to fully understand it, nor cover all the barriers against the success of those minorities in a few paragraphs.  However I would ask Mr. Antico to think about the following questions:

• What is a mother to do when her man is in jail for 15 years for possession of crack cocaine, leaving her with two boys, while her boss’ son was sent for treatment for being addicted to heroin and distributing it to his classmates?
•  What is a mother to do when her son is searched and frisked at every corner, even when he is trying his best to be a good boy?
•  What is a mother to do when she is raising her son in a tough project and her son gets suspended from school for using the language of the projects he lives in?
•  What is a mother to do when she gets paid $7.00 an hour and one-way train fare costs $2.50, and basic necessities are left to be priced at the whim of big corporations?
•  What is a mother to do when the personnel at her son’s public school is so afraid of him that they rush to the most severe suspension for every little infraction?
•  What is a mother to do when she cannot afford to pay a baby sitter and must work the night shift to feed McDonald to her 7-year old son, who is left alone, — with the hope that he’ll still be alive when she comes back in the morning?
•  What is a mother to do when her son is a suspect whenever something bad happens down her block; and that he is diagnosed with ADHD, put on meds without verifying if his diet may be deficient?
•  What is a mother to do when her son does not believe he can ever achieve anything meaningful in life and school personnel constantly tells her son that he’s good for nothing and will never amount to anything in life?
•  What is a mother to do when she has to receive that strange man in her bed because he promised to help make ends meet?
•  What is a mother to do when her man molests her baby and threatens to stop paying the rent if she makes waves, when the group home already destroyed her first son?
•  What is a mother to do about her son being constantly late to school, when she is a prostitute in a one-room and has to keep her boy outside until the wee morning hours, after completing her duties, before allowing him to come to bed?
•  What is a mother to do when her son has been suspended so many times that he is 18 and doesn’t know how to read and write.
•  What is a mother to do when her son joins the gang after being jumped several times, down the block, even after she reported the incidents to the precinct to no avail?
•  What is a young man to do when no one trusts him anyway?

 Please help me add to the list of questions, and let’s try to find the answers together – as a society.